Recently, I’ve been talking a lot with one of our QA guys. When I pass off a developed feature to him for final verification, I’ve usually taken the “happy path” to verification: Does this thing do what it’s supposed to do? With him though, it’s always negative testing this and negative testing that. This sadist actually wants stuff to fail. This got me thinking about the job search process. Let’s talk a little about how you can bomb an interview.
When you find a job that, based on your skimming of the description, more or less matches your skills, fire off a resume. Don’t bother to look at things in detail, or to craft your resume and cover letter to the job and company. Heck, don’t even send a cover letter at all. And if your resume isn’t easy to read or there are a few mistakes in spelling or grammar, don’t worry about it.
Contact: Cat and Mouse
When the hiring manager calls or e-mails you, play hard to get. Let them send a couple of e-mails or leave a few voicemails before you get back to them. When you do get in touch, no need to be too prepared. Just wing it. And if you do manage to get beyond the screen to an onsite interview, make sure your schedule has priority over theirs. Maybe an interview isn’t good for you this week, but how about next week, or even the following? Make them work for it.
Show Them Who You Really Are
Once you’ve secured an in-person interview, do as little prep work as possible. Don’t research the
company, or try to find out how you could fit into its business, or what value you could bring to the table.
If you know the city well enough, you probably can just wing that too. Printing out directions is for weenies. Also, give yourself just enough time to get there. If anything impedes you, whatever your excuse for being late, I’m sure they’ll be cool with it.
If you’re handed an application to fill out, even though you’ve already sent your resume, allow yourself to get upset and off balance.
There’s no need to turn off your cell phone before the interview. If you get a call or text, they’ll probably be impressed that you’re so in demand. Even more so if you actually respond. That shows that you can multitask.
Also, it’s okay to cut off the interviewer and answer when you think you know where the line of questioning is going. When talking about past employers, remember this is your chance to trash them and make yourself look like a hero who, at the time, worked among idiots.
After the Interview, Kiss them Off
Don’t bother to send a thank you e-mail, and only a real numbskull would snail mail a hand written note. What is this, 1955?
By following these few gems during your quest to secure employment, you’ll be sure to fail spectacularly. If you’re more of a “happy path” type, perhaps you’ll want to do the opposite.
Chad Broadus is a tech professional and writer living in the Pacific Northwest.